just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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