census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
