dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My feet surprised me
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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