Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
