Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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