rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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