do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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