Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize