I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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