dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
