i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think my fart just growled at me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
