I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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