im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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