i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
