Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
