I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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