she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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