i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
