You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
