I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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