All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I love having hate sex.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
