I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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