dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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