The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
