You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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