I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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