Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
