so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
