yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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