she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
