sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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