Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
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