I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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