Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
