I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
