There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
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She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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