I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
