Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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