he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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