Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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