All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize