first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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