you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize