six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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