we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
