I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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