I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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