God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think I won the penis lottery.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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