Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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