Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This is my gift to your gina
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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