Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
