How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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