He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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