He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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