don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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