Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
