3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
