Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
