it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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