We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
