No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
