Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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