I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
