i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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