i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
