Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
