It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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