You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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