Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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