I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
