I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
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I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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