Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
